Note #2:  As you begin to read what follows, some of you may push away---TMI (Too Much Information!).  I understand your feelings but ask that you persevere because the well being of someone you know and love---even yourself---could be at stake. What I am writing isn't 'about me' but about the ministry of our pastors and churches so I appeal to you to read on. Thank you!

MINISTRY, MENTAL ILLNESS and MY 'COMING OUT'
"We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives..."
II Corinthians 4:7

"You are always so upbeat!"  Over the years, I have heard that on many Sunday mornings and it is true:  I am a positive, happy person who loves my work, loves the church and both loves and feels loved by God and many others.    Thus the first time I fell into the shadowed hole of clinical depression in around 1992, it was a profound shock to me.  In fact, I did not recognize it for what it was for some time---yet I knew that it was 'not me' to think about driving into that bridge pillar or to weep in despair day after day.  Even after I began to realize I was dealing with depression (I had had glimpses before and certainly as a pastor knew the signs) and went to a doctor, when an antidepressant was suggested, I reacted with disdain.  All those jokes about 'prozac' on nighttime television were about weak people who just couldn't get their own act together, weren't they?  And, hey, I'm a Christian and a pastor, shouldn't God and I be able to take care of this?  And if it wasn't happening, wasn't it because my spiritual life just wasn't 'good enough'?  Even because I just wasn't 'good enough'?

Round and round I went, hours into the night, weeping and praying.  At some point, I don't know when, God got through with this simple message: "Jane, if you had a cancer diagnosis, would you refuse my help through medical treatment?  This is an illness and I want to help you. Let me!"  Well, I did and over the years have mostly recognized approaching episodes and have gotten the care I needed.  But in 2007 I didn't catch the approaching signs of a major bout and went into the deepest tailspin ever and I felt I would never emerge from the 'valley of the shadows...'.  But once again, and I truly want to testify, God lifted me up from the depths of despair and felt failure. I accepted the medical treatment that stopped the downward spiral; I was helped by church friends to find a wonderful faith based therapist; my amazing husband embodied God's unconditional love; and above all, God met me in the depths through scripture and prayer (reading Romans in Eugene Peterson's message touched me deeply, by the way).  And by God's grace, in time I found myself healthier and more filled with life and joy than even ever before.

So why am I telling you all of this---'coming out' so to speak?  Over the years I have been counseled by caring colleagues NOT to do this: "It will damage your career...".  But since the 2007 episode, I have felt that this is part of who I am and what I can offer the church and my clergy colleagues in particular.  And here's why:  in my 17 years of doing Conference ministry, I have come to see and believe that untreated depression is epidemic in the church, that it is particularly so among clergy, and that the effects of it when unaddressed are deeply damaging, not only to the individual who is ill but also to the church.  I have seen depressed clergy and depressed lay leaders wreaking havoc in congregations and no one names it or addresses it as we would some other illness.

Dear friends, we church folk are, I believe, too long in denial about the presence of depression and other mental illness in our own lives, families and churches and the body of Christ is suffering because of that denial.  Clergy, my beloved colleagues, when we fail to seek help for our own depression (or other mental health issues) in the belief that somehow 'me and God' can take care of it alone, we deny God's power to work through medication, therapy and other forms of support.  Instead, we let our own judgments about our spiritual, professional or personal 'failure' drag us and, sometimes, our families and congregations, down.  Friends, colleagues, please do not let depression or other mental illness suck the life out of you.  If right now, as you read, or in the years ahead, you feel yourself sliding into some desperate darkness, please accept the love and gifts of God that can give you healing.  Don't deny our God the joy of guiding you out of the depths!

Mental illness needs to 'come out' of the closet in the church and among clergy.  It is killing our youth and adults who take their lives and in many less visible but still destructive ways it destroys families and even whole congregations.  So what can the church do?  Next week I will be taking a very small part in a national conference sponsored by our United Church of Christ and other faith groups:

 

You can learn more about both the event and the organization at www.pathways2promise.org.  There are some extremely helpful resources that can assist your congregation to be a healing community where persons or families dealing with mental illness are welcome and can find support, safety and spiritual encouragement.

Thank you for reading this.  Please take care of yourselves and one another-and let God help. God needs us all as healthy as we can be, to bear the gospel good news of unconditional love.

A Cracked Clay Pot for Christ,